Journal Friday: Why Keep a Journal?

Diary Pile 2

Every Friday we will be talking about Journalling here at Evenlode’s Friend.  Today, we are starting right at the beginning – why would you bother?

My story

I’ve been keeping a diary or journal (I use the two words interchangably) for 38 years.  (Please don’t do the Maths!)  On my seventh birthday, my father took me out to our local county town, beautiful Winchester, as a special treat.  I had been given a WH Smith token for £2, which was a lot of money in those days, so we went shopping.  I fell in love with a hardback blank page A5 journal.  The cover was cream, with little chocolate brown fleur de lis on it. It was £2, all I had, but I had to have it.   My father asked me what I was planning to do with it, and I said I didn’t know.  I shall never forget what he said:

You should keep a diary.  Every young lady should keep a diary.

And that was it.  Thirty-eight years later, I am still doing it.  But why have I kept going that long?  After all,  there must be more than my father’s kindly injunction.

Why?

My diary has been my friend and confidante through good times and bad,  In it, I have confided my grief at my father’s death, and my joy at the births of my nieces and nephews.  I have recorded my struggles with anorexia, depression, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.  I have worked through emotional issues.  I have raved about my lovers, and often I have raved at them.  I have documented my marriage and my creative life.  I have made lists and plans,  and scribbled cartoons, stuck in newspaper clippings, and written page after page of thoughts and feelings that I could share with nobody else.  My diary has been safe place where I could work things out.  It has been my therapist, my friend and my memory.

But there is more!  My diary is the springboard into my creative life.  I always write my diary before I begin a creative writing session.  I find it clears the everyday worries and grumbles out, so that I can start with the clean slate of my imagination.  It is also a place where I can write about the problems I might be having with a particular story or project, or acts as a kind of ideas book for new things I might try.  It is a kind of creative mentor, a place to encourage myself, a place to prepare for the joy of creativity.

What?

As I have said above, I don’t just write in my diary.  I draw and stick things in.  I am a very visual person, and sometimes it is easier to record an image of something in my head than to try and write it down.  Usually cartoons are the result of trying to explain a feeling.  Once its out on the page, especially if its a feeling I am having trouble with, like the ‘grumpy bear’ feeling shown in the picture above, it dissipates.

I hand write my diaries.  With a fountain pen.  Partly this is because I feel I want to make something beautiful, and I think handwriting is an act of making art.  But mainly it is because I believe that my hand makes a direct connection with my subconscious brain.  It makes it easier to express what is going on inside – sometimes to express things I don’t even know I am thinking until they come out!

(If you are paranoid about how bad your handwriting is, and use that as an excuse to type, let me assure you that if you continue to neglect it, it will be bad.  I have been practising for thirty eight years.  People say that my handwriting is good.  Practise makes perfect.  And if it isn’t, well, who cares?   Its only you thats going to see it anyway!)

How?

I keep my main journal in a hardback A5 notebook with blank pages.  I am currently using the Moleskine kind, which you can find here.  I like blank pages because I occasionally draw.  I like the A5 size because it is portable and fits in a handbag easily.  I’ve experimented with all shapes and sizes over the years, but this is the one that consistently works for me.

When?

Lots of people begin a diary on 1st January, meaning to write an entry every day.  By about the 15th, they have usually given up.  For some people, it happens every year.

My main rule for journal-keeping is this:

Write when you have something to say.

Don’t feel you have to write some inane babble every day, just for the sake of it, though some people do write every single day and find the discipline invigorating.  I don’t.  If I try that, it becomes a SHOULD and then I very quickly fail.  Don’t set yourself up for a fall.  Write only when you need to.  You will know when that is.  (It has worked for me for 38 years, after all, and I can’t recommend something I haven’t personally tried, can I?)

Journal Friday Exercise:

Do you fancy keeping a journal?  Are the benefits listed above something you would like?  This weekend, why not go out and see if you can find yourself a nice notebook to write in.  Something you are drawn to, that you like to handle and use, but not so beautiful that you are afraid to write in it.  There are all kinds of arguments for different sizes and bindings of notebooks, from paperbacked and spiral bound, to hardbacked tooled leather.  Consider your lifestyle and how you mean to use it.  Do you plan to write it only at your desk, or in bed, or will it need to be sturdy enough to travel around in your bag?  Above all, find something you like.  If you don’t like it, you won’t use it.

Make sure you write your name and contact details inside the cover.  That way, if you lose it, some nice person can always return it to you.

Next Friday, I will offer you a journal prompt to get you going, but if you want to write something in the meantime, either just get going, or think about what you want to get out of writing a diary, and write that down.  And don’t forget to date your entry!

Happy Journalling,

love, Evenlode’s Friend.

How to begin?

If you want to write, just write.  If you want to paint, just paint.  If you want to do anything creative, as the Nike people say, ‘just do it’.

Only, its not that simple is it?  How do you get out of your own way?  How do you crush all those voices in your head, the teacher who told you that you were rubbish at art, the music teacher who threw you out of choir because she said you couldn’ sing (actually she didn’t like me, but thats another story!), and the old Devil Himself, the Perfectionist voice (I call mine Nigel for some reason) that says nothing you do will ever be good enough.

Well, let me begin by telling you a little story about how I gave my Nigel voice a good kicking, and ended up here, writing my first post on this website about Writing and Creativity.

About two years ago, I was stuck in a creative hole.  I have been writing for as long as I can remember, literally since I could hold a pen, but I didn’t take my writing seriously until 2001,  Since then I had written seven novels and dozens of short stories, but none of them satisfied me, felt good enough, or finished enough.  I was not achieving the standard of writing that I wanted.  I was not getting published.  I had ground to a halt.

Then I heard about fanfiction.

Yeah, yeah, you’ve heard all about that stuff thanks to ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’.  Well, let me tell you something you don’t know about fanfiction.  There are literally thousands of people writing it out there, and the standard is at times gobsmackingly good, as good as anything you would find listed on the Man Booker shortlist.  Yes, some of it is terrible, but a lot of it is written by people for whom English is not a first language, or by college students, so you have to take that into account.  (Anyway, this is not intended to be a defence of fanfiction.)

What happened next:  it occurred to me that I had been writing fanfiction for years.  I just didn’t know it had a name.  I tell myself stories every night while I wait to go to sleep (insomnia has been my constant companion since childhood).  Often they are peopled by the characters I see in TV and films – in other words, they are fanfiction.  I decided to write the stories down.

By the end of the first year, I had written over 100,000 words, was writing every day, sometimes two or three thousand words a day (which any writer will tell you is an enviable productivity rate) and I was getting better at my craft.  I was learning.  Fanfiction turned out to be a great playground to test out techniques and ideas.

And all I was doing was writing down my daydreams.

It was money for old rope, as they say here in Britain.

The day I hit the ‘publish’ button on my first story at fanfiction.net was a huge turning point.  My work was out there.  People could read it.  It was terrifying.  Nigel was having a nervous breakdown!  But you know what?  The readers were kind.  They loved my work.

Fanfiction doesn’t have to be perfect.  That is why it is perfect.  The perfect learning place, a supportive community of writers and readers who give you positive feedback, encourage you and help you to do better.

Since my first publication day, I have put out 27 works in various fandoms, and get on average over 100 readers per day.  In one month last year, I had over 44,000 readers for my works.  How many conventionally published writers can say that?

What I am asking you to do today is to think about this story.  I went from scribbling down a daydream to a massive readership, because I found a way to outwit my own fears.  I’m still terrified, don’t get me wrong.  But there is a way, and if I can do it, you can too.

This is what this website will be about.  Outwitting our Nigels.  Taking baby steps.  Finding ways to be creative.  Being gentle with ourselves.  I hope you will join me on the ride, and I hope we will have fun making glorious pictures in the clouds together.

Best Wishes,

Evenlode’s friend.

(You can find my fanfictions at fanfiction.net and at An Archive of Our Own, but be warned, these are NSFW and deal with VERY adult issues.)