Oh dear, stuck again! (The Painting Problem)

Some of the many lovely books about making art that I have bought instead of making art myself!

Some of the many lovely books about making art that I have bought instead of making art myself!

I want to paint.

A friend asked me the other day how I envisaged my old age, and I laughed that I always imagined myself retreating to a little villa on a beach on a Greek island, and painting enormous, sploshy, abstract paintings.

But I don’t paint.  So how can that happen?

An excerpt from my journal entry today says it all:

“I want to make art but I keep telling myself its too difficult, that I’m too tired, and that painting upstairs [in my study] is a pain because I have to keep going up and down for water and cleaning brushes etc.  I want to make big, sploshy paintings, but I keep telling myself there’s nowhere I can get painty and messy, and anyway, it wouldn’t come out the way I wanted it to. 

“Its all excuses.  Its as if the idea of painting, the idea of wanting to paint, is more seductive than actually doing it. 

“Because in my imagination, I am a great painter, whereas when I do it, I am rubbish because I never practise, or I haven’t learnt the theory properly.  Its so easy to say “they never taught me anything useful at school” or that Bob Taylor [my graphics teacher] was right that I didn’t have enough originality to go to art school. 

“The fact is that I don’t paint.  What I do is make excuses as to why I don’t paint, which is actually so much easier and emotionally less complicated.  And I know if I did, I would paint something and be so depressed that it didn’t come out looking like it did in my head, and then I’d be stuck all over again.  And anyway, I SHOULD be concentrating on writing. [Note the  Bingo! word there.]  But I know today is a day when the frustration is building up, when I am stopping myself doing something creative because I SHOULD [Bingo!] be resting, when in fact I’d feel better if I actually did something instead of stopping myself, and I’d certainly be less grumpy.”

So today, instead of raiding the bookshelves for all the lovely art books I have bought instead of painting, (another displacement activity, see above, see also books about writing), I am going to make some art.  If only for the sake of Husband, so he doesn’t have to come home to a bad-tempered, creatively frustrated, vicious wife who wants to take it out on him!

I’ll let you know how I get on.

EF

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5 thoughts on “Oh dear, stuck again! (The Painting Problem)

    1. evenlode1967 Post author

      I’m so glad to hear you are having a go and getting lots out of it. Its so hard to get over that first hump, but when we do, and forget to judge our work, its wonderful. I’m hoping I can get back into the swing of it, and let go of judging myself into stasis! Happy painting!

      Reply
  1. Kora

    This post baffled me. When you switch ‘painting’ with ‘writing’, than this could be my words. (And you have to switch Greek with Irland. 🙂 )
    “Its all excuses. Its as if the idea of painting, the idea of wanting to paint, is more seductive than actually doing it.” I think I did write this a while back somewhere in a diary or notebook of mine.
    Thanks! It’s good to know all creative people have the same problems and our wishes – to do somethink, we think we could love – are not so different.

    Have fun painting! Even when it’s not so big and sploshy.
    K

    Reply

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