You see, I haven’t forgotten you!
Taking a bit of a blog break has been less of a necessity and more of ‘I only have so much energy and something has to fall off my todo list in order for me to survive’ thing.
Its not that my life has been event-free; more that it has been so event-packed that there has been no room to breathe. Recent weeks have been so full of stuff – appointments, health problems, elder care, visitors, travelling, and aggravation – that there has been almost no space to remember who I am, let alone what I want to create.
One thing struck me this weekend, though, as I talked with my song-writer friend. There are times in life when we have these emotional growth spurts, when life is difficult and challenging, and when all our energy has to go into dealing with whatever mountain we have to climb. These are the times when we learn and grow. They are not necessarily when we are in the right place to create the Great English Novel! (Or poem, or song lyric!)
I am reminded of friends who have become parents talking about their baby’s ‘wonder weeks’, those stages in development when an infant’s brain grows to allow it to gain new capacities to interract with its world. These are often times when a child is grouchy, sleeping badly, and crying for no reason. Get to the other end of a wonder week, and your baby has learnt to sit up unaided, or vocalise in a new way, and it was worth all the pain and sleepless nights.
As adults, I think we have wonder weeks too. Its just sometimes we go for months or years without development, and then a dozen wonder weeks come along all at once, leaving us feeling like we have been hit by a steam roller.
If, like me, you are caught in a chain of adult wonder weeks, it’s worth noting that while your brain is preoccupied with making new neural pathways, and driving a bulldozer through old ones, it is unlikely to have any energy, space or interest in anything else. Time to be kind to yourself.
I’ve had to accept that this is not a time in my life during which I am going to have the ability to concentrate on complicated activities. I’ve given up trying to read fiction, watch drama or write anything complex. I seem to be only able to cope with reading books about history (which feels strangely comforting), or wellbeing (which are directly relevant to my situation), or to watch TV documentaries. I can’t even read blogs at the moment. I just can’t take them in.
But that’s okay.
My brain is doing other stuff. So I’m not trying to force it back onto the straight and narrow. I’m trusting that it knows what its doing, and that eventually I will come out the other end with my pockets stuffed full of psychological doubloons from this unplanned diversion. It may be an adventure I didn’t sign up for, but that’s how life sometimes is.
Don’t pile yourself up with SHOULDS. The blogosphere is full of exortations to fulfil your Life Purpose, organise your house, build your dream business, learn Mandarin in a week – but if that week happens to be a grown-up wonder week for you, believe me, trying to learn Mandarin at that point in your life will be the emotional equivalent of trying to run a marathon when you are lashed to the Rack. And just as pointless.
Give yourself a break. Don’t live in SHOULDland.
Unfortunately, adult wonder weeks don’t arrive in calendar-friendly order like those for babies. We never know when the Universe is going to clock us round the chops with the Frying-pan of Enlightenment, or fell us with what feels like a very back-handed ‘opportunity’ for growth. But that is what they are – opportunities. No matter how wretched they might feel.
Give yourself a break. Be where you are. Accept where you are.
Stop fighting it.
Rather than try to soldier on when brain and body are apparently no longer willing to cooperate, it is far better to let them do their thing and hang up the whip for a while. Preferably permanently.
Give yourself a Break. Choose a new way.
Choose kindness towards yourself.
In the meantime, I’ll keep you posted as to when I surface from my wonder weeks!